your smiles are sunlight
by BrokenWingsDontFly
Summary: It was almost a normal day. He glanced down two seats to his left to an empty desks. But it wasn't./ They loved each other in such a complicated, guarded way, a fort of emotions that caved in on him. But she was coming to save him. She always saved him. Because her laughs were like belles, her smiles were like sunlight and her comebacks were like dragon fire.


_**Disclaimed**_

* * *

It was almost a normal day, Derrick reflected, leaning back on his chair, his arms behind his head. The maths nerds were freaking to solve the problem Ms. Kao had written on the board twenty minutes earlier. His two best friends, Josh and Cam, were making spit balls and aiming them at his other two friends, Plovert and Kemp. Massie Block and Alicia Rivera were gossiping, heads close together, laughter spilling out of their well glossed mouths every so often with an occasional hair toss.

It was almost a normal day. He glanced down two seats to his left to an empty desk. But it wasn't.

* * *

_December 16th, 2011._

That was when it all went wrong, Derrick reminisced bitterly, kicking at the dry ground beneath him. He was sitting on the back of his trunk, beer in hand, mesmerized by the harsh beauty of the canyon in front of him. It was not a canyon—not by definition, he knew that. It was more of a jagged cliff with a twenty-foot drop spotted with dying trees and dry orange dirt. Canyon sounded prettier, though. More special. Cliffs were jagged and cruel, the jaws of the earth. Derrick kicked a rock.  
Harsh February winds whistled through the shrinking forest, chilling him to the bones. Derrick shivered and grabbed his jacket. He'd forgotten how cold it could get up here. It'd been a while since he'd felt the need to come up here. Until yesterday, he'd always had someplace he'd needed to be.

* * *

**December 16th, 2011**

_"Has anyone seen Claire today?" Ms. Kao asked, looking up from the attendance book. She was sitting on her desk with one foot dangling off—proof of how unorthodox her ways of teaching were. "Is she sick?" She pushed her glasses back up and searched the chattering class. "Layne?"_  
_From the back of the room, Layne Abeley, school rebel, notorious non-conformist, shrugged her shoulders. "I dunno," she said, examining her multi-colored nail polish on her left hand. "She was fine yesterday." She then compared it to her right hand, which had white-outed nails._  
_"Goth," sneezed the person sitting behind Derrick. He turned his head to see Massie and Alicia giggling._  
_"Evil," Derrick whispered to Massie, smiling. "I expected something more from one of high-bred Blocks." Massie smacked him playfully._  
_"Derrick, you really need to stop flirting with the girls in this class," Ms. Kao sighed exasperated, closing the attendance book and dropping it next to her. "It can't be healthy."_  
_"Yeah, Derrick," Cam said playfully, shoving him. "Stop flirting with Massie." He and Josh erupted into giggles. Ms. Kao rolled her eyes and muttered something about the children these days._  
_"So," Ms. Kao said loudly, rapping the whiteboard behind her with her knuckles to get everyone's attention. "Claire is the only one sick, yes? Or does she have an appointment?"_  
_"Maybe she's stuck in traffic," volunteered Plovert, leaning back in his chair. "I heard there was an accident this morning. Some kid got hit by a car or some shit." This got a lot of different replies:_  
_"Language, Chris, or you'll lose your weekly lollipop." (This was from Ms. Kao)_  
_"There was an accident? Holy crap, I could have died." (This was from Alicia, who was a notorious drama queen/ attention seeker)_  
_"Claire takes the same bus as me, unless she has a project. She probably has a 24-hour bug." (This was interjected from Layne, who then promptly painted her colored nails over with white-out and then proceeded to writ on them.)_  
_"Dude, you bullshit so much," Cam said finally, rolling his eyes. "There was no accident."_  
_"Was too," Plovert stuck out his tongue._  
_"How would you know?" Cam challenged. "Last week you said Mr. Larm had a stroke in the office!"_  
_"How was I supposed to know he was taking a nap?"_  
_"Class!" Ms. Kao got off of her desk. "I'm just going to mark Claire as absent and she'll just have to go the office when she comes, okay? Now can you all please shut up and take out your math books before my brain explodes with frustration?"_  
_"Well," Derrick murmured to Cam, heaving his math book out of his backpack. "Someone got grouchy."_  
_Josh laughed from the other side and leaned over, "Way to be a hypocrite."_  
_"What?" Derrick asked innocently._  
_"Oh, we all know if Claire doesn't come, you'll have no one to annoy for the rest of the day," Kemp said, turning around._  
_"And we're using the definition of 'annoy' loosely, because it really looks more like flirting to us," Cam chimed in, turning the book to page eighty-seven._  
_"One-sided flirting," Plovert interjected, grinning._  
_"What's that supposed to mean?" Derrick asked, leaning in closer._  
_"Oh, you know," Josh said, scooting his chair closer to Cam and Derrick. Cam, being squished in the middle, made a noise of protest that everyone ignored. "The scenario: two people. Person A being the flirter, person B being the tortured flirtee. It's when person A,"— "In this case, you," Kemp butted in— "does everything to get person B's attention and person B blows him off without a second thought," Josh finished with a flourish._  
_"Cause you're attracted to person B and wanna to the nasty," Plovert added smugly._  
_The boys were quiet for a minute, the boys exchanging looks. Josh and Derrick stared each other down stubbornly._  
_"Person B is Claire," Cam pointed out helpfully._  
_"Oh, no shit?" Derrick said sarcastically. "You guys are assholes."_

* * *

"Is there any other way?" Mrs. Harrington's soft hand clasped her son's shoulder. Derrick vaguely wondered if she already knew before she offered him a ride to the hospital even though he had his own car. She must have known.  
Dr. Rutherford sighed, his entire face crumbling. "Don't I wish. I don't enjoy this, but it has to be done. I…uh, I already informed the guardians and…well." Dr. Rutherford leaned forward on his spiral chair and his kind blue eyes found Derrick's. "It was a hard choice, son. But it's for the best."  
Derrick's throat tightened. He gripped the arms of the plastic chair. All of a sudden the doctor's office seemed too small and too public. The large impressive glass windows suddenly seemed to revealing. He felt watched, judged. Right now, he wanted to be alone. High, up in a tree or on his roof. Somewhere up in the sky.  
Dr. Rutherford looked at Derrick through his half glasses, sizing up the situation. Derrick looked away. He couldn't bear to see the pity in all their eyes. It would just make it more true.  
After a while, Dr. Rutherford cleared his throat and started to talk to Mrs. Harrington the next steps they should be taking. Their words blurred and distorted, slipping through his brain without leaving any trace of comprehension. This couldn't be happening.

* * *

**October 14th, 2009**  
_"Class, this is Claire Lyons," Mr. Davey said loudly from the front of the class, trying to capture everyone's attention. A small, shy girl was standing next to him, fidgeting and looking down at her shoes. The ninth grade class in front of her didn't seem to notice their teacher's dying patience or Claire's discomfort._  
_Derrick and Kemp were leaning on the back legs of their chairs, completely turned around, talking to the two girls behind them, Alicia Rivera and Kristen Gregory._  
_"Come on, he's the best," Kristen argued._  
_"Nu-uh, Blondie," Kemp said, shaking his head in mock disappointment._  
_"I still don't get it," Alicia said to no one in particular. "What's so great about Beckham?"_  
_"What's so great about Beckham?" Kemp and Kristen said at the same time, gaping at her like she'd just admitted she lived on the sun._  
_"Derrick, Kemp, Kristen, Alicia," Mr. Davey recited in a tired way. "How many times do I have to threaten to separate you?"_  
_"Always once more," Derrick said cheerfully. Mr. Davey's eyes narrowed._  
_"Turn around, boys." He looked at the class in whole. "Well. As I was saying, we have a new edition to our class. This is Claire and she's from Miami—"_  
_Claire said something quietly._  
_"What was that dear?" Mr. Davey lowered his head to hers to hear better._  
_"Orlando," Claire said in a quiet, timid voice. Her eyes darted around the room and then rested back on her shoes. "I'm from Orlando."_  
_Kristen cackled from her seat, causing Derrick and Kemp to turn around._  
_"What?" Kemp said._  
_"Nothing, I just love it when things get awkward for Douchebag Davey." She smiled wickedly._  
_"Oh, you are so evil," Kemp teased, smiling._  
_"She's tiny," Alicia critiqued, on a different page as everyone else, like usual._  
_"Who?" Kristen and Kemp said, breaking eye contact._  
_"Thingins up there." Alicia waved her hand trivially in the direction of Claire._  
_"Claire?" Derrick asked, who unlike Alicia, was polite enough to use people's names._  
_"Yeah.. And check out that haircut."_  
_Derrick took a closer look at Claire, upon instructions. She was short, he guessed, if you compared her to Alicia's 5"5 and big boobs, but then again most people were short compared to Alicia. She had hair to her shoulder and bangs cut bluntly and unflatteringly and an out of place blue streak. But she looked so awkward up there, so alone, with no one but Mr. Douchebag for company. Derrick felt a small pang in his heart. He'd never been new. Or alone, for that matter. Every year he was the class clown, the one who led the boys in poking girl and doing random crap that got them attention._  
_"Soooo…?" Alicia interrupted in that way she had, leaning forward. "Whatcha guys think of her?"_  
_"She looks like she's very nice." Kristen was always nice. She was continuously cleaning up Alicia's mess, patiently sorting out the debris of Alicia's anti-social hurricane as it ripped through hallways._  
_"She's kinda cute," Kemp said, making Kristen frown._  
_"Derrick, Kemp, Kristen, Alicia," Mr. Davey yelled, annoyed. "Okay, that's it. Alicia, you're sitting next to Layne now."_  
_"What?" whined Alicia. Layne was the strange girl in the back who always wore black and scarves made for guys. Layne grimaced from her seat but didn't say anything. "Pleeeease, I swear I'll be quiet."_  
_"I don't want you to swear, I want you to sit next to Layne. Kemp, you can take this spot right by my desk and Kristen, why don't you sit in between Coral and Danny?" Mr. Davey's expression made it clear that this was not up for discussion._  
_"But then I'm so alone," Derrick complained, motioning to the empty two-sitter behind him and the vacant seat next to him._  
_"Well, I guess Claire will have to sit next to you, then." At the front of the class, Claire gasped, pinking. She looked cute when she blushed, Derrick remarked, putting his hands behind and leaning back on his chair. Maybe this new seating arrangement would be fun._

* * *

**December 31st, 2009**  
"Hey Claire, s'Derrick I jus wannasay…"— "Whoa man you okay?"—static crackled— "Derrick how much did you drink?"—more static— "Claire I jus wanna say, I wanna say…"— "Derrick, gimme yer phonecell, you shoun't drial dunk, kay o?"— "Dammit Claire I jus wanna say…"—THUMP— "Shit, Kemp, get o'er here, Harrin'ton jus c'llapsed."— "Fuck get 'im to the carseato'theback."  
Beep.

**January 1st, 2010**  
"Hi, Derrick, it's Cam. Just wanted to wish you a happy new years and express a few concerns. First and foremost, I'm appalled at how drunk you get going out with Kemp and Chris and secondly, insulted you don't trust yourself to get wasted with me. Screw you.  
"Secondly, we've trained ourselves not to drunk dial when we were twelve-and-a-half. So please consider your alcohol intake. You're not a 100 pound gymnast but still—"  
Beep.

"Hi, Cam again. Your bastard of an answering machine cut me off. Either, continuing with my planned out and scripted message. And yes, I am reading out from a piece of paper, which is why it sounds so straightforward and professional. Well, besides that—  
"Either way. Third point. C-A-M. That's how you spell my name. Not C-A-J—wait, is that J? No, it can't be. Ohhhh—" throat clears— "Ahem. Not C-A-I-R-E. Dammit, that's not right either. Well, point is, I'm not Claire. You don't even have Claire's number. You guys aren't even friends.  
"So, fourth point. Why the hell are you even calling—"  
Beep.

"DAMN YOUR ANSWERING MACHINE. Okay, call me back. Oh, and I hope you're okay. The other two can rot in hospital hell, though. Cam."  
Beep.

* * *

**January 18th 2010**

_"Welcome back to school," Kemp said sarcastically, hopping off the BOCD sign when he saw Derrick and Cam walking towards him. "Can't wait for this shit to be over."_  
_Cam clapped him on the back. "What? You wanna go back to the hospital so soon?"_  
_Kemp scowled. "I split my hand open tripping over Derrick's immobile carcass and landing on one of said carcass' many empty beer bottles and had to get ten stitches, asswipe."_  
_Cam turned to Derrick. "And he studied the SAT vocab too!"_  
_"You nailed it 'til as swipe," Derrick informed him._  
_Kemp waved his hands. "Sure, sure, go ahead, tag-team me. God, you two should have been brothers."_  
_"But no parents would have been able to handle us," the two replied in unison._  
_"Cute," Kemp deadpanned._  
_The three boys started walking to homeroom. Kemp retold the amazing New Year's Eve Party he had with Derrick and Chris at his father's lakehouse to Cam, being sure to name every liquor his older brother had bought for them._  
_"He makes the trip sound so great," Derrick said to Cam out of the side of his mouth, "but he forgets we all ended up at the hospital."_  
_"Better than ending up at my nana's," whispered back Cam. "She made me look through all her photo albums and then feed her kittens and take care of my baby cousins. I still have the scratches."_  
_"From the cousins or the cats?" asked Derrick. They both chuckled._  
_Kemp suddenly stopped in the middle of the hallways, his in-depth description faltering. "Be right back," Kemp said quickly. "The cute girl from PE's by her locker. I haven't talked to her in weeks. I have to talk to her before that lacrosse ass does."_  
_"Does he mean James?" Cam asked Derrick._  
_"Think so." They watched as Kemp scampered to some Asian girl's locker. "He's a funny guy. He can drink an ocean of vodka and barely gets tipsy."_  
_"Man of many talents," Cam said dryly. "C'mon." He tugged at Derrick's arm. "Let's get to homeroom. I know you're dying to see Claire."_

_She looked different after winter break. Tanner. She'd gone back home, Derrick remembered. She'd been excited and wouldn't stop talking about how excited she was. He rolled his eyes, trying to pretend like his heart wasn't revving up in his chest. Her hair was almost white-blond, her blue streak completely washed out._  
_I only got it to piss off my parents. I didn't want to move. He remembered her laugh. But I fail at being radical. This is the extent of my rebellion._  
_She took her time getting to her seat, greeting people and smiling, flashing those white teeth around. She was so nice. Not popular, but even Massie and Alicia were nice to her._  
_She's just one of those people, Mrs. Harrington had said after running into her at the supermarket, who always find a way to be happy._  
_"Hey," she said, setting her books down on her desk and sliding into her seat. Finally, finally, finally! Derrick glanced at her from the corners of his eyes, as if he hadn't been mesmerizing her every step. "Miss me?" he asked, smirking._  
_Claire rolled her eyes as Mr. Davey came in and everyone took their places. "You wish."_  
_He laughed, but he didn't mean it._

* * *

**January 18th, 2012**

"It's been overt a month, Julie, should we be worried?"  
"I don't know, Matt."  
"He's not the same, Julie. Don't tell me nothing's wrong."  
"I never said nothing was wrong! Dammit, I know he's not the same, Matt, I know."  
"Shh, come here." Hands stroked blond hair, cradling her close. "I'm sorry, Julie. I'm sorry."  
"I just want to know he's going to be alright." Her voice was muffled.  
"Derrick's a fighter. He always comes back."  
"From hospital trips and football practice and bad grades, yes, but not from something like this. Dr. Rutherford…"  
"Dr. Rutherford what?"  
"Dr. Rutherford…suggested counseling."  
Silence. "What? Like psychiatric counseling? You mean a shrink?"  
"Matt—"  
"No, Julie. Absolutely not."  
"Matt!"  
"I'm not sending my son to a shrink and that's damn final! Derrick is going to be fine."  
More silence. "What if he's not?"  
"Julie, don't you ever say that again or so help me God."

**January 28th, 2012**

"Mercy Memorial Hospital, this is Shirley, how may I help you?"  
"Ah, yes, Shirley I'd like to schedule an appointment with Dr. Rutherford."  
"Yes, what day would that be?"  
"Next Wednesday? The 30th?"  
"Dr. Rutherford has a regular patient he treats on Wednesdays. The next date he's free is February 3rd."  
"That'd be perfect thank you."  
"What is the topic of your meeting with Dr. Rutherford?"  
"I'd like to discuss possible psychiatric treatment for my son."  
"I'm sorry, I'm afraid you have the wrong doctor. Dr. Rutherford works in—"  
"I know his field, Shirley. This is a special case."  
Clears throat. "If you say so." Stiff. Doubting. "What name should it be under?"  
"Harrington. Matthew Harrington."

* * *

**October 20th, 2009**  
_"And the answer for number ten is…." Mr. Marks scratched his chin, peering at his students. "Claire? Number ten?"_  
_Her blue eyes snapped away from the window and onto her math sheet. Derrick saw them widen a bit when saw an empty space next to 10. Without saying a word, he discreetly slid his sheet over so it concealed hers._  
_"P is equal to five and Q is equal to eight," Claire said quickly. Nervously. She probably thought Derrick was as dumb at math as she was._  
_Mr. Marks raised an eyebrow. "Very good, Claire. I'm impressed." His eyes turned to Derrick. "Derrick, I think you should try to be more like Claire. I notice you don't have a sheet in front of you. Have you been paying attention at all today? How many times to tell the class as a whole to bring your own material so you can participate?" Derrick met Mr. Marks gaze. "Well Derrick? What have you been doing back there? Huh? Derrick?" He let out a frustrated sigh. "What am I going to do with you?"_  
_He turned back to his book. "Okay, the answer for number eleven…Alicia?"_  
_"Umm, five?"_  
_"Alicia, are you even looking at the problem? Or are your nails more interesting? If they had the answers painted on them, I wouldn't object to you staring and filing at them all period long, but they obviously don't because this is your third wrong answer today. Why do you even come to school? Do you even want to learn? Huh? Alicia? Why do you even do your homework? Oh, that's right, you don't…"_  
_"Hey," a soft voice said. Derrick looked over to see Claire handing him his sheet. "Sorry I got you in trouble."_  
_"It's okay," he said quickly. For you, it's okay. For Kemp, I'd split his balls._  
_"No, really. You don't deserve some jackass piling crap on you like that. I'll explain it to him after class and clear it all up." She looked determined. That was cute._  
_Derrick shrugged. "It doesn't matter. I don't care."_  
_Claire bit her lip. "But really, thanks. I don't know if I could stand getting chewed out by Mr. Marks."_  
_"Chewed out?" Derrick laughed softly._  
_She blushed. "Shut up," she mumbled, hitting him lightly. Warmth blossomed like a bruise on his shoulder. They both turned back to the front of the class. And Derrick blessed his lucky stars Davey was making him sit next to Claire in every class._

_When Derrick got home, he fished out the math sheet that had won him Claire, for at least a few minutes. She had been grateful, she had been worried about him. He thought of how she bit her lip and her big blue eyes went to her desk. But really, thanks…getting chewed out by Mr. Marks…if I could stand…I don't know._  
_His hands closed around and he beamed, looking over his perfect equations and neatly boxed answers, the right calculations all the way, with a certain sort of pride. That's when he noticed it, in the margin._  
_Thanks J You're totally my hero ;)_  
_The word were meant as a joke, but he grinned broadly. She'd cared enough leave him a note. And not a last-minute scribbled one either. She used a different color for each letter, rainbow order, and her handwriting was impeccable._  
_She looped her hs and her ys. It was cute. He grabbed his new Nikes and tossed them unceremoniously on the floor. Carefully, he tucked his math sheet at the bottom, put the top back on and stowed it under his bed._  
_That was the first of many Claire mementos he would be cherishing._

* * *

**November 1st, 2009**

**Kristen Gregory** is in a relationship with **Kemp PlovertFisherHarrington Hurley**

you and 23 people like this  
**Derrick Harrington** ummm duh much  
10 people like this  
**Cam PlovertHurleyHarrington Fisher** so called it.  
you and 8 people like  
**Massie Block** guysss we all saw it coming, seriously -.-  
you, Cam PlovertHurleyHarrington Fisher and 3 people like this  
**Strawberry PunchYoFace** ommmmgg so ADOWABLE.  
Massie Block and 5 other people like this  
**Strawberry PunchYoFace** NOT -.-  
**Massie Block** *dislike*  
you and Cam PlovertHurleyHarrington Fisher like this  
**Massie Block** Oh and you're an ugly bitch(:  
20 people like this  
**Kristen Gregory** really guys? That's all you can sayy?  
**Massie Block** aww cuute, seriously babe this is the most adorable obvious we-all-knew-it-before-you-thing that has ever happened(: 3  
Kristen Gregory likes this  
**Derrick Harrington** and since it basically already happened, we already congratulated and celebrated ;)  
3 people like this  
**Dylan Marvil** AHHH asdjjkfk I SO KNEW IT :DD So excited for you guys, honey 3 And Kemp, I can hurt you . Treat my girl good or you're in for a world of pain(: (Y) (Y) All the best!  
Kristen Gregory likes this  
**Olivia Ryan** Cutest couple EVER (Y)  
**Skye Hamilton** Kemp, don't mess around, Kris is waaaay to good for you. Kisses! Mwah (Y)  
**Chris FisherHarringtonHurley Plovert** loosing my wingman damn you kris lol jk im happy 4 u guys(:  
**Kristen Gregory** *losing  
3 people like this  
**Hei Di** backing up my girl skye but this is two cute (Y)  
**Carrie ForeverAstone** daww :')  
**Claire Lyons** Congrats, Kristen! And good luck, even though you won't need it(:  
Kristen Gregory likes this  
**Kristen Gregory** aww thank you honey(Y)  
**Derrick Harrington** happy for you two  
**Kristen Gregory** I see what you're doin ;)  
**Derrick Harrington** what?

**Derrick Harrington** happy for you two

_Do you really want to delete your comment?_  
_Yes No_

**Kristen Gregory** I see what you're doin ;)  
**Derrick Harrington** what?

_Do you really want to delete your comment?_  
_Yes No_

* * *

What would Claire do? He chucks an empty beer can over the cliff edge. What would Claire do? He runs a trembling hand through his hair. February winds whisk again. He's so lost right now. What would Claire do? What would Claire do?


End file.
